Jan 31 2009

A Great Day For Football Haters!

Shop ‘n drive in peace ‘n quiet!


     What a wonderful thing, the Superbowl, for those who don’t care about it.  You can commandeer the extra TV, take it to the attic or basement and watch anything your little heart desires without interruption.  It’s a great day to go shopping or take a drive because everyone else is not doing either.

     You can go to the ocean and walk on the beach or boardwalk and know that every person you see there thinks the same way you do about this brainless, gorilla sport that attracts more heavy drinkers than athletes, and that can’t hold a candle to baseball or tennis or volleyball for genuine athleticism and mental challenge. 

     No, I’m not calling all football players wimps, or all football fans drunkards.  I’m just saying that football is not a sport that’s notorious for producing literary, scientific and artistic genius’s (geni?), and that –to me– it’s more amazing to watch what companies will spend more than  T H R E E   M I L L I O N   D O L L A R S  on (for less than 60 seconds of sponsorship), than to see the event itself. 

     The commercials are, admittedly, always super themselves.  But that makes me think we should just have a Super Commercial Bowl and skip the football stuff all together. 

     We could root for one beer or car company over the other, buy all their promotional gear, put giant promotional junk in our yards, hold tailgate picnics outside of neighborhood bars and car showrooms, make cute little cookies and cupcakes in the shape of the manufacturer we’re rooting for, and call central phone numbers at a $1.99 a pop to vote on our favorite commercial. 

     The winning company would have TV crews in their locker room after the contest and spray champagne on each other.  Kids could go to school the next day and dis the losers. 

     We could all txt msg our teenagerswith something more substantial to discuss for a change (besides, “Hey, how’s it goin’?” and “Fine” or “Whadya do at school today?” and “Nuttin” or “Where are you going?” and “Out.”). 

     Tomorrow, we could gather round America’s watercoolers and coffee shops and talk about which parts of which commercials we liked best and thought were stupidest . . . Whooooooh!  Wait just a cotton-pickin’ minute!  I forgot.  We already do most of that already anyway, right? 

     So what do we need football for? 

     P.S. Just heard the news that the most “chicken wings” consumed in the history of the world are consumed on Superbowl Sunday!!! That makes for an awful lot of chickens out walking the streets . . . so be careful!

     I must be missing something.  [;<} But then, what do I know?

I’m just a baseball fan (as if you hadn’t guessed).


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