“You’ve been a

pain in the butt

ever since

you were born!”

     You own, operate or manage a family business. God Bless You. Now let’s get down to reality. Odds are that you, or at least someone you work with, harbors resentment. And those upset feelings are getting in the way of business growth, perhaps survival. When we collect negative feelings about someone else, resentment is usually the accompanist.

     Resentment often takes the form of a demand that the other person feel guilty. In the classic Addison-Wesley book Born To Win, authors James and Jongeward suggest, “When you become aware that your resentment is growing, handle each situation as it occurs and with whom it occurs rather than collecting and holding your feelings, and perhaps cashing them in for a big prize or on an ‘innocent’ person.”

     The world renown educator/counselor/co-authors recommend the following steps for dealing effectively with resentment:

• “Try to talk the problem over with whoever is bugging you.

• When you attempt this, avoid accusing the other.

• Tell the other person how the situation is affecting you. Use the pronoun ‘I’ instead of an accusative ‘you.’ [For example, ‘I don’t like smoke; it bothers me,’ instead of  ‘You’re really thoughtless the way you blow your smoke around.’]”

• Remembering that the solution to any group problem lies within the group, James and Jongeward go on to urge that in a family group, it is helpful to set up “resentment and appreciation sessions,” which they point out need to have specific rules. Here is how they define that process:

• “Each person in turn verbally states the resentments he holds against the others; (it is important that the others listen but do not defend themselves. The statements of resentment are to be let out but not reacted to.)

• After resentments have been stated, each person tells the others what he appreciates about them.”

     When first learning how to conduct this kind of session, do it daily. After it can be done with ease, stretch it to weekly.

     In some working situations, resentment and appreciation sessions can be useful, “particularly where people work together closely and personal irritations occur easily. If it is tried, all members should agree to a trial period — say two months.” At the end of this period, the usefulness of the procedure can be re-evaluated. If “participants decide to continue, they could decide on adaptations and establish regular session times, like meeting once every two or three weeks,” or whatever seems “practical.”

     It should go without saying that an outside professional facilitator or family business coach can play an important role in establishing and moderating this kind of program. The more structured and enforced the process, the more likely it is to eliminate or minimize nonproductive ill feelings and be able to help produce positive results.

     Is all of this easy? Probably not. Does it take time? Yes. Is the risk reasonable? If everyone involved is agreeable to pursue positive and productive solutions, yes. Should you try it on your own? Possibly, if you are not personally involved in the resentment exchanges, or directly related to those who are, and have a firm but compassionate leadership quality.  

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Hal@BusinessWorks.US 

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You!

Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

“Envy is the religion

of the mediocre.”

–CARLOS RUIZ ZAFON, From his best-selling novel The Angel’s Game

      All of us have envied someone.  We’re human. But let’s hope by now we’ve outgrown those feelings or learned –perhaps the hard way– to put them aside. If you’re still struggling with them, and you also happen to be in the position of running a business, it might be a good idea to give some thought to where envious feelings are leading you.

     When someone else hits a home run  in business (in your industry or marketplace, or inside your own company!) many business owners and managers turn the other way, sometimes with a “shoulda been me” look of scorn on their faces…especially if the success is achieved by a competitor and / or a brother-in-law and / or a former employee…you get the picture. So what else is there to do except feel resentful?

     Well, how about  examine what went right for the other person and decide if there are any ingredients involved that might have application to your circumstances? I’m not suggesting that you have to pile on the other guy’s bandwagon and be an adoring teammate, or president of his or her fan club. I’m saying instead that it pays to be a detective and an explorer.

     When you take the time and trouble  to step back from what’s going on and what has been achieved, and objectively review and evaluate what has taken place that’s produced the end result, you will also be in  a better position to assess the dynamics of what occurred and have a clearer idea of what might possibly apply to your circumstances.

     In other words, take advantage  of what you know and what you can find out, and choose to make the  most of that information (instead of choosing to feel upset or depressed or vindictive or annoyed or ambivalent… or envious!)

     If “the road to hell”  is indeed “paved with good intentions,” envy of other’s accomplishments will most assuredly help to hustle you along the way. Instead make a conscious choice to put away your ego, and see each potentially envious situation as a great learning opportunity that you can absorb from and capitalize on. Take notes. Smile more. Open minds open doors.                          

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  Hal@Businessworks.US   302.933.0116

  Open Minds Open Doors 

   Thanks for your visit and God Bless You.

  Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

Mind Over Undermine

     At some time or another, every business and professional practice boss discovers a hired or inherited employee or group of employees whose sole mission appears to be to undermine operations—from manufacturing to customer service/patient care to administration to sales.

     Sometimes it’s vindictiveness, jealousy, bitterness, resentment…all good stuff, right? Sometimes, though, it’s naivety, ignorance, immaturity, misplaced loyalties, or just plain stupidity. While the reason might be important to uncover, what’s most important is to act on the discovery before it has chance to fester.

     If it’s too late to contain the infection from spreading out and affecting others in your organization, it may require you to rise to the confrontative occasion and call for all the cards to be put on the table. This, however, is not always the best solution.

     Why? Someone who may have been undermining you or your business or practice may be truly innocent of premeditation, or was perhaps unwarily acting out someone else’s issues. In that situation, you could be pulling the plug on someone who is a valuable potential asset to your operations or reputation.

     This may be the right point, instead, to pull in a professional to facilitate differences and/or re-train problem employees, or to counsel you on how to do it, or to force the situation to a head on your behalf. At any rate, it’s certainly worth the time to discuss the circumstances with an outside consultant before making that decision. 

     Prepare a short bullet list of issues and individuals involved with your own assessments of how effectively each performs in the roles for which they/he/she were/was hired. Try to keep your comments as objective as possible so as not to prejudice an outsider’s opinions, but articulate your issues and concerns clearly.

     Make your mission clear, and make your goals for each position that’s involved clear ones. In the process, look to your self as well, and question what (if any) contribution your own statements or behaviors may have contributed. Ask your consultant for a straightforward, unvarnished opinion and recommendation.

     Decide when, where and how to act, and what to say. Be receptive to whatever responses you provoke, and assess those in private. In the end, you will have given enough time and energy to the situation to justify moving forward from the point of implementing your decision. Then move forward.     

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Hal@Businessworks.US   302.933.0116 

 Open minds open doors.

 Thanks for visiting.  God bless you. 

  Make today a GREAT day for someone!