“It’s not MY job!”

     Ever heard this before? Or is it just my imagination? Odds are someone in your business either says something like this, or has the underlying attitude but doesn’t express it openly.

     The person who rejects  awareness, spontaneity and (friendship / partner / spousal) intimacy also rejects the responsibility for shaping her or his own life. She or he is someone who thinks of him or herself as either lucky or unlucky, assuming without question that it’s meant to be and: can’t or shouldn’t be changed, or that only ______ can change it.

 Sound familiar? This is the same individual who

     routinely proclaims (or thinks): “It’s not MY job!”

     By contrast, the autonomous person  is concerned with “being.” He or she allows his/her own capacities to unfold and encourages others to do the same. These are the kinds of individuals who project their own possibilities into the future as realistic goals which give aim and purpose to their lives.

     They sacrifice  only when they are giving up a lesser value for a greater value according to their own personal value systems. They are not concerned with getting more, but with being more. 

My philosophy is that not only are you responsible for your life, but doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.”

— OPRAH WINFREY

     As a business owner or manager, and especially in today’s economy,  you really can’t afford to have people working for you with this attitude. E V E R Y person in your business needs to accept responsibility for doing whatever needs to be done whenever it needs to be done as long as he or she has the ability to do it.

     But this doesn’t mean that you need to be a shrink  with employees who evidence a not-my-job mentality. It DOES suggest that you may want to think hard about keeping this kind of person on payroll.

     If it’s a locked-in situation  and you can’t let go of her or him right now, set a deadline for change, explain it clearly and gently, then teach by example. Do recognize that it takes courage for someone like that to rise to the occasion, and reward any evidence of attempts with “pat-on-the-back” comments and encouragement to keep at it. 

     You’ll always get more of what you genuinely

appreciate, praise and reward.   

With special thanks to human relations/communications consultants Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward for the inspiration and adaptations from their classic book BORN TO WIN: Transactional Analysis with Gestalt Experiments    

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So you had bad toilet training

as a child. So what?

     Imagine what this world would be like  without hidden agendas. Okay, maybe you can’t change the world. Imagine what your business would be like without hidden agendas? Your life?

“Man is not totally at the mercy of either his heredity or his environment, He can modify both.” It starts with increasing “a person’s awareness of the real power he has to direct his own life, to make decisions, to develop his own ethical system, to enhance the lives of others, and to understand that he was born to win.” 

Excerpts from the Preface of BORN TO WIN by Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward

     Here’s the deal:  Psychological “game-playing” (often unconsciously provoked) has been defined by psychology icons Dr. Eric Berne and Dr. Frederick Perls as a series of transactions or communication exchanges (often repetitive) with a hidden motive or agenda.

     These “game” exchanges,  which may seem innocent and perfectly rational on the surface, can have extremely destructive mental and emotional consequences. “They prevent honest, intimate and open relationships” at home and on the job, say author/therapists James and Jongeward.

     They go on  to point out that we “wear many masks and have many forms of armor” that keep our true selves confined and unknown, even to ourselves. The possibility of encountering our own reality–learning about ourselves– can be “frightening and frustrating.”

     Many of us,  say James and Jongeward, “expect to discover the worst” when we set out on a path of self-exploration, “and a hidden fear lies in the fact that we may also discover the best.”

     To discover the worst  means we must “face the decision of whether or not to continue in the same patterns” of behavior, they say, and “To learn the best is to face the decision of whether or not to live up to it.”

     Because either discovery  may involve change, it is anxiety-provoking, which can be good or bad, depending on how we use the information and exercise the change.

     It all comes down to  making a conscious choice to learn more about what makes you tick so you can minimize game-playing, recognize it in others and not play, be better able to generally run a healthier more productive business… and experience a healthier and happier personal life in the process.

     What have you got to lose?  Finding out you had bad toilet training when you were three years-old? So what? Choose to make the reality of your present moment your focus, and watch the joy that comes to the surface, and stays! 

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Input aways welcome: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in    subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar  

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STOP PUNCHING

YOUR BRAINS OUT!

     In case you may have started thinking the whole world’s joined forces with the government to push your business off the rooftop, STOP! Maybe they have all joined forces with the government; I’ll grant you that possibility.

     Even if the whole world is not actually involved, there IS certainly some truth to be said for the government’s strangulation taxes and requirements to comply with the bombardment of over-regulations that threaten and seek to control small businesses.

     But, guess what? You can put a stop to it!

     HOW TO STOP IT: First, step back from the upset feelings and take a deep breath: http://halalpiar.com/2009/05/4-steps-in-one-minute-zero-stress/ 

     Next, accept the fact that you are you and in all the world, there is no one else exactly like you. You are unique. Got it? No? RE-read the boldfacing again. Go ahead. I’ll wait right here for you. Got it now? Good. Believe it? If no, you may want to explore some therapy options. If yes, then take the leap of faith to the next level:  

     If you can accept what you just read, then it should be a no-brainer that the business you own or manage or the part of a business you own or manage is also unique. Why? Simple. YOU are unique and YOU are running it! YOU control the day-to-day activities, and what takes place is YOUR choice. Your behavior and your attitude are YOUR choice. What you decide to do with and about your business is YOUR choice. 

     Leave the victim role to Atlas in Greek Mythology; he took the whole world on his shoulders. [For more on the victim “Poor Me” role that many business owners insist on playing, see the great old Gestalt Psychology classic book, BORN TO WIN, by Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward. I promise that even now, 40 some-odd years later, it will astound your sensibilities about what makes people choose so many self-destruct directions in life.

     If you continue to worry, check this post for reassurance: http://halalpiar.com/2009/05/stress-kills-sales-quicker-than-the-economy/

     The bottom line is that there simply IS NO OTHER BUSINESS like your business because yours is the business that reflects your uniqueness.

     So choose to rise above the rubble and the unfairness and the shortsighted incompetence of government. Extract yourself from the mire of those around you who choose to wallow in self-pity and act defeatist and negative.

     Choose instead to surround yourself with positive people and thoughts and appreciation for the differences you bring to your company and industry and community tables. Make them work FOR you!  

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Input welcome anytime: Hal@TheWriterWorks.com (”Businessworks” in the subject line) or comment below. Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals, good night and God bless you! halalpiar  # # # 

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