When is a pat on the back

  really a kick in the butt?

A client tells you your service is great, then complains about it later to others. Assuming nothing changed along the way to erode the value of your praiseworthy performance, your sense of anguish may simply be the result of of a mixed message. Mixed messages find their way into everyday business exchanges with increasing regularity.

“Pretty good job . . . for a woman!” is a typical example. “You’re doing this the right way, but you need to slow down and think it through better!” is another. Have you ever heard something like: “We need to move forward with plans to collaborate, but not at the expense of our own department (division, team, group)?”

Mixed messages are nonproductive. Mixed messages often couch hidden agendas. Unlike much problem solving that requires “two to tango” and cannot be realistically addressed by a single entity alone, mixed message situations can be resolved by one person taking preventive measures. These include paraphrasing, note taking, feedback, diagramming, and offering/ requesting examples. 

1)  PARAPHRASING. Instead of simply taking statements at face value and then squirming with them later, ask: “Do I understand you correctly to mean . . . (and repeat back what you think you heard, using your own words)?”

2)  NOTE TAKING. The biggest problem with note taking is that most people do not take notes. And even when they do, they fail to directly request the speaker to allow for it. “Would you mind please slowing down on (or repeating) that point for me  so I can make note of it because I don’t want to forget what you said.” is not just called for; it’s flattering to the speaker. But write it!!

3)  FEEDBACK. Speakers need to pause periodically and take inventory: “How are we doing here so far? Do you have any questions? Is all of this information clear?” Listeners need to politely interrupt periodically and take inventory: “Excuse me. Can we take a ‘Time Out’ minute here to summarize this last bit of information? I want to make sure I understand what you mean.” Write it!!

4)  DIAGRAMS. When speaker or listener is not 100% sure that communications are clear, ask for a diagram of the information; arranging keywords and ideas visually helps ensure accuracy, and can often illuminate a new perspective.

5)  EXAMPLES. Ask for them. Very few exchanges of information fail to become transparently clear when examples are offered and discussed.

Getting tangled up in miscommunication can be frustrating, annoying, and stressful. One person who is determined to “get it right” the first time, and who is willing to accept that it may take longer and be more work, will ultimately experience greater accuracy in dealing with others, and accuracy spells success.                               

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 Hal@BUSINESSWORKS.US  or comment below.

No matter which end of

the interview

you’re on…

     Few things can feel more satisfying than to win over the person at the other end of an interview by taking quiet control with championship communication skills.

     Active listening, thoughtful speaking and careful observations pay big dividends in employee/employer screening and hiring interviews, as well as in day-to-day operations.

     Yes, it’s true that nothing beats a great handshake, neat appearance, good grooming, eye-contact, and a bright smile for openers. But once you’re seated, you need a new set of tools.

     And no matter which end of the interview you’re on, be careful to not blow off a great first impression with lousy body language.

     When you sit back in your seat (especially in a sprawl and/or with hands clasped behind your head) you are giving off a superiority attitude that no one likes, even if you happen to be superior.

     If your arms, legs, ankles, hands, wrists are folded, you are communicating defensiveness, which will not work to your advantage, even if you are feeling that way.

     Open-ended questions provide the most revealing answers:

• “Tell me what’s important to you that’s not on this resume?

• What would you do if I gave you a million dollars cash right this minute?

• Who or what has made the biggest difference in your life and how did that happen?

• What would make you choose situation A over situation B even though B would offer you more money? (or better benefits?)

• What’s the hardest work situation you’ve ever had to deal with?

• How did you get started in this business anyway?”

are all good examples.

     WHAT the answers are to these or any other questions are only 20% important. HOW the answers are delivered accounts for 80% of what’s important! How rushed or deliberate are the responses?

     How serious or humorous are the answers? If humor is included, is it disparaging or self-effacing? In good taste? Does eye-contact have a focal point or is it more like staring? Leering? Avoiding?

Resist the temptation to fill the air with words.

Silence is a very useful and telling tool as long as it doesn’t go past the point of being intimidating.

In the same context, note taking is always a powerful practice; it keeps your attention focused; it supplements your memory banks; it’s flattering.

     Prompt, then listen. Never hesitate to clarify with paraphrasing (“Do I understand you correctly to mean . . . ?” Fill in your own words to check the meaning of something you’re in doubt about). Ask for examples. Ask for diagrams. Offer examples. Offer diagrams.

     Be careful with any job candidate who seems preoccupied with issues involving compensation, insurance, vacations, sick days, personal timeoffs, overtime pay, time reporting, lunch and coffee breaks. If you’re a candidate, be careful of a prospective employer who doesn’t volunteer this information up front.  

     When you can be prepared to the point where the interview is something you look forward to, you are likely to be ready to communicate effectively no matter which end of it you’re on. When you can be a detective during the interview, and make adjustments along the way, you’ll be increasing your odds for success regardless of whether you’re asking or answering.   

Hal@BUSINESSWORKS.US 

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Make today a GREAT day for someone!