May 24 2011

No one MAKES you do it!

FEELING: Angry? Depressed? Embarrassed? Happy? Sad? Disappointed? Frustrated? Anxious? Afraid? Lonely? Poor? Dumb?







Nah!  That’s not possible,” you say?  Hey, it’s not only possible, it’s true. And it’s true  100% of the time! 

We CHOOSE our behavior. 

No one makes you mad.  You choose to feel mad about something someone says or does or thinks.

No one embarrasses you.  You choose to feel embarrassed about something you or someone else chooses to do or not do or say or not say or think or not think. 

And it IS your choice

Anger. Depression. Embarrassment. Humiliation. Envy. 

Jealousy. Guilt. Hatred. Fear. Loneliness. 


These feelings don’t just fall down from the sky and land on your shoulder.  You, we, all of us, choose these emotions and we also choose the time-wasting behaviors that come along with them. 

So, maybe you don’t like hearing that, or thinking about it because you don’t want to have to admit that you’re that wimpy, wussy, weak-willed, fragile, malleable, and stupid. So you conjure up all kinds of defensive excuses and scenarios to discount the validity of it. But you can’t. There’s no discounting the truth.

Maybe you didn’t choose to get in that car accident, but you did choose to get in that car. You knew there was a risk associated and you knew that other drivers were not always as careful as you, and you chose to drive or ride anyway. But you had to BE someplace else. Wasn’t that a choice also?

It’s not that we make bad choices. Everyone on Earth does that. It’s that we convince ourselves that bad stuff is not the result of making a bad choice. We didn’t make a bad choice; circumstances were bad. Ah, but we chose to put ourselves in those circumstances by either direct or indirect choice. We did! At some point in time, it was a choice. 

I mean why would anybody CHOOSE to feel angry?  It’s much easier to blame others for the upset negative feelings we have and the accompanying nonproductive behaviors.  Isn’t it? 

That moron cut me off in traffic!  He’s a jerk!  He makes me so angry I think I’ll race up alongside him, give him the finger, and then cut HIM off!  I’ll show him!  Hey, that’s great . . . the stuff road rage heroes are made of, right? 

Why not instead choose to STOP for just a minute and take a deep breath, collect your self-control and mentally step back from the nutcase driver who just prompted you to choose to feel angry, and, instead, think to yourself that:

     A)  He’s in some kind of emergency situation or under great duress, or

     B)  I am not going to choose for that nut-job to cause me to choose to feel upset.  He’s not worth it!  

Since many choices are in the unconscious mind, when you find yourself choosing negative and upsetting behavior, pinch yourself, take that deep breath, remind yourself that you are in fact making a choice.  Change the channel in your brain from “Bad News” to “Mellow, Happy Music.” 

Remember that you always control your own brain.

(Ask any POW survivor or cancer survivor about that).


No one reaches inside your brain and causes you to think or act or react in a negative or unsettling or upsetting way.

You do that to you.


You can just as easily choose for something hard to be easy, something risky to be safe, something maddening to be calming, something impossible to be possible, a problem to be an opportunity, the glass to be half full . . ..

Go ahead and run the risk!

Choose to overcome the negatives by bringing in the (There’s a really old song my parents used to sing: “E-limi-nate the neg-ative, ax-cen-tuate the positive…”) awareness that you need only blink and then choose –instead of creating or adding to an uproar– a positive, productive behavior, thought, action, response.

Go for it! The more you do, the easier and happier it gets. Hey, it’s your choice.


# # #

Hal@Businessworks.US or 931.854.0474

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals.

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

No responses yet

Oct 31 2009


“Envy is the religion


of the mediocre.”


–CARLOS RUIZ ZAFON, From his best-selling novel The Angel’s Game


      All of us have envied someone.  We’re human. But let’s hope by now we’ve outgrown those feelings or learned –perhaps the hard way– to put them aside. If you’re still struggling with them, and you also happen to be in the position of running a business, it might be a good idea to give some thought to where envious feelings are leading you.

     When someone else hits a home run  in business (in your industry or marketplace, or inside your own company!) many business owners and managers turn the other way, sometimes with a “shoulda been me” look of scorn on their faces…especially if the success is achieved by a competitor and / or a brother-in-law and / or a former employee…you get the picture. So what else is there to do except feel resentful?

     Well, how about  examine what went right for the other person and decide if there are any ingredients involved that might have application to your circumstances? I’m not suggesting that you have to pile on the other guy’s bandwagon and be an adoring teammate, or president of his or her fan club. I’m saying instead that it pays to be a detective and an explorer.

     When you take the time and trouble  to step back from what’s going on and what has been achieved, and objectively review and evaluate what has taken place that’s produced the end result, you will also be in  a better position to assess the dynamics of what occurred and have a clearer idea of what might possibly apply to your circumstances.

     In other words, take advantage  of what you know and what you can find out, and choose to make the  most of that information (instead of choosing to feel upset or depressed or vindictive or annoyed or ambivalent… or envious!)

     If “the road to hell”  is indeed “paved with good intentions,” envy of other’s accomplishments will most assuredly help to hustle you along the way. Instead make a conscious choice to put away your ego, and see each potentially envious situation as a great learning opportunity that you can absorb from and capitalize on. Take notes. Smile more. Open minds open doors.                          


# # #

  FREE blog subscription: Posts RSS Feed

  Hal@Businessworks.US   302.933.0116

  Open Minds Open Doors 

   Thanks for your visit and God Bless You.

  Make today a GREAT day for someone! 

No responses yet


Tag Cloud