(Translated: I’ll never be a leader because I don’t really care about anybody else!)

Is “I’m too busy for you!” the verbal or nonverbal message you might be putting out to others?

I just read a promotional endorsement written by someone I know who, years ago, I used to respect. He starts out his explanation of why the particular newsletter he raves about is one of a very few that he actually makes time to read. He opens his statement by saying:

“I’m busy — painfully busy, so

I’m stingy with my time…”

Pull-eease! Who cares? The source, though, may want to know that comments like this scream of the kind of personal frustration known to have led many to depression and isolation.

It would be viewed by not a few psychology professionals as the monolithic signature of an individual who has deep fears of experiencing any forms of intimacy with others.

“Intimacy,”defined by ground-breaking Gestalt Psychology authors James and Jongeward, “is free of games and free of exploitation. It occurs in those rare moments of human contact that arouse feelings of tenderness, empathy…genuine caring…and affection.” 

Businesspeople are not immune to these kinds of connections and cannot hide behind “business” as if it were a protective shield. But many don’t know that they’re doing it. It may be going on for so long, that it feels natural to be a “workaholic.”

Some may say, why interrupt my career mission to get close enough to someone who will want me to pat their hand when they have a crisis? Dealing with other people’s crises slows me down and forces me to sidetrack.

Much has been written in the literature of Gestalt and Reality Therapy about those who play the “Harried Executive” game in life and business.

These are people who define themselves as “overwhelmed” and “overloaded” and “swamped” and “up to my ears…”

They make themselves too busy to have to spend any genuine quality time relating to others.

This is not a healthy mindset, but it is often masked by offering token attentions and participating in general socializing. It frequently requires professional counseling and coaching to move this type of behavior beyond the personal relationship barricade the person has set up for her or himself.

That you might be conveying to others that you are too busy for them, means you are close to the edge of the abyss that forecloses on many of life’s most valuable opportunities.

“I’m too busy” type statements can also be taken by many to mean:

“You’re worthless to me; get out of my way!” 

(Can there be any more insulting an attitude to communicate?)

Can you, or anyone who works with you, actually afford to practice being too busy, never mind flaunting it as in the above example?

Time is our most precious and cherished commodity. Of course we need air and water and food and clothing and shelter, but time is what drives those needs.

One of your grandparents no doubt once told you that “Time and tide wait for no man” (a statement that predates modern English and whose authorship is ascribed to St. Marher in 1225) and that “No man is an island” (attributed to the Englishman who was proclaimed the greatest of all metaphysical poets, John Donne, 1572-1631). 

Surely you’ve heard those statements somewhere? Maybe they are worthy of re-considering from time to time.

What kinds of nonverbal “I’m too busy” messages could you be sending out? Arms and/or legs crossed defensively in meetings? Parentally looking over the tops of your glasses at other’s suggestions that seem too time-consuming?

You keep checking your watch, the clock on the wall? You keep checking for text messages? You keep reading emails while someone is speaking with you? Do you walk ahead of others you’re speaking with, or shoulder to shoulder?

Do you pick up the phone and dial when someone approaches you? Do you put off invitations to family gatherings and neighborhood events, or show up to smile and handshake a few people and then slide out the side door when others seem preoccupied?

You may want to listen to yourself more . . . and  

check out that great smile of yours in the mirror once in awhile!

www.TWWsells.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

There’s something in your mind that you

want to go after and try to make happen?

You’ve been dreaming about it for, it seems, forever. You’ve been careful about not telling too many others, but those you do mention it to give you the same 3-way response: a “that’s nice” smile, an agreeable nod of the head, and a pointed effort to steer the conversation in a different direction. They humor you. They don’t get it.

If you’re in big business or government work, those responses are enough to douse your fire. You get second and third thoughts and then back away and abandon your idea. You’re too invested in your own job security to dabble with ideas that will preoccupy your mind and lead you too far astray from your 401k and pension plan payoffs when you retire in twenty years.

If you’re an entrepreneur, you don’t much care what anybody says, nor with whether they “get it” or not. You’re going to make your idea work regardless of the odds, the opinions, the financial insecurities associated with developing things to a startup stage, and beyond. Retirement and payoffs –even profits from sales– are the farthest thing from your mind.

The corporate executives and government administrators measure their innovative thinking in terms of whether the ideas they come up with fit into the grand scheme of long-term and strategic plans that blanket the organizations they serve. Entrepreneurs innovate without plans. Entrepreneurs have goals. They seek only the “end-result” of making their ideas work.

The odds for reaching a destination point are dramatically increased when goal-setting meets certain requirements and, once acknowledged, the focus is on each step that leads to the goal —- instead of on the goal itself.

For goals to be meaningful, they must satisfy all four of these criteria:

 they must be realistic, specific, flexible, and have a due date.

Many people give up on goal-setting because they don’t want to feel like failures if a goal is not achieved. If it’s flexible, that won’t happen. Flexible goals can be redefined and be given new dimensions and new due dates. A goal in concrete is not a goal; it’s just a pile of concrete. Those fear-of-failure folks also need to be reminded that fear is a behavior, and behavior . . . is a choice! 

Those who think they have goals, but don’t adhere to all four criteria, have only wishes. And wishes only work for Disney characters!

Reality dictates that what “Sounds like a plan” rarely ever is, and what trys to pose as a goal without being specific, realistic, flexible and due-dated is simply a self-absorbing waste of time and energy, and often of money. Reality calls for disciplined action backed by burning desire. Reality is the stuff entrepreneurs are made of.

Entrepreneurs, some would argue, don’t plan; they just act. This is often true when it comes to describing the ways entrepreneurs appear to function in their business activities, but when it comes to getting started, and their daily pursuits, those who are most successful will inevitably point to having and constantly adjusting genuine goals to make their ideas work! Sounds like a plan, eh?  

 www.TWWsells.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

What You Love?

 NOTE: This blog article was originally posted two years ago in August, 2008. I have elected to repeat it here today because it touches on some sensitive leadership issues that have surfaced for a number of small business owners I’ve heard from recently.

 www.TWWsells.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You.

 “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson] 

Make today a GREAT day for someone!

so does Twitter!

     Think of Twitter as one gigantic 24/7 trade or professional show and customer service center up in the sky!

     And start out by just plain dismissing all the “magic secrets” about how to use Twitter to build your business, because there are none.

     Just because social media may be a fairly new avenue for you to be dabbling in for your business, don’t be intimidated by all the crackpots!

     Never a day passes without at least a dozen solicitations attempting to sucker new users into a commitment to get new fans and followers, to learn the magic, the secrets, the steps, the bullets, the actions, the methods, the techniques, the 3 this, or the 7 that.

     If your business works, and you have a respectable reputation, and you know what you’re selling (believe it or not, not everybody does!), then simply use Twitter posts to make provocative, or engaging, or teaser-type billboard/headline-style statements, followed by the website page other Twitterers/Tweeters can click on to learn more.

     But you can’t stop there. . . not any more than you would avoid a courteous greeting up front, or make a sales pitch at a service counter or on a trade show floor, and then not listen to what the prospect or customer has to say, even dumb comments about the weather.

     Be social. This means stepping off your sales pedestal long enough to take notice of what others are posting on Twitter, and to make and post some pleasant response to those you might agree with, and that fit the business image you want to project. Be careful with humor, especially avoid jokes you wouldn’t comfortably share with pre-teens.

     This can include you doing an “RT” (for “Re-Tweet,” same as “repeat”) of other comments and/or quotes you particularly relate to –  no different that a prospect mentioning a name or place or thing or idea that’s on your personal list of favorites, and you commenting back, as you would in any conversation with a friend whose attention you value.

     This is an important ingredient in making Twitter work — being yourself, and pretending you are in a real (instead of virtual) room facing the little (avatar) faces, sharing niceties. If some comment makes you choose to feel angry or upset or overly emotional or cocky or sarcastic or arrogant or pedantic or anything besides pleasant, choose to ignore it and move on to other comments.

     You will not win friends and influence sales by losing your cool or tossing your cookies or acting P.O.’d at some moronic statement.

     People “out there” need to see that you are approachable, easy, and friendly before they’ll pay you any serious attention by deciding to “follow” you (your posts) or to visit the web pages you include with your posts. This is, after all, SOCIAL media first. Those who see and read your comments will allow you the business focus as long as you behave like a good guest at their party. 

     Get yourself hooked up with a free “Tweet Deck” to gain a more useful perspective and to better accommodate your comments. Then take a couple of hours each day for a couple of days (spread out into time chunks is best) to follow the basic flow of people and comments and analyze them as a prospective market.

     Take notes.Pay attention to who’s who:  the rampaging political types, the religious fanatics, the nut cases, the teeny-boppers, the famous quote quoters, the too serious, the too frivolous, the sex-seekers, the weirdos. Get a fix on who you want to visit your webpage and start clicking on their “Follow” buttons. Many will reciprocate and be your followers.

     Decide early on if you want only a selective following or you want to play the numbers and amass big numbers (depends on what you’re selling).

     When you think you see a way to fit . . . fit! Twitter works for those who work at it.  

www.TWWsells.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You. God Bless America and God Bless America’s Troops. “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]  Make today a GREAT day for someone!

The check’s in the mail.

I’ll get back to you Friday.

I’ll send you that update

the minute it comes in. 

As soon as we get your 

invoice. When shipment

arrives. But I never got 

your note. Your email

must have gotten lost in

Cyberspace. Oh, that? 

That was a warning?

     You’ve heard it all, right? Maybe you’ve even said some of it yourself. But when your intentions are genuine and sincere, nothing can be more frustrating than hearing a pile of excuses . . . from a customer, a prospect, a supplier, an investor, an employee, a boss.

     So, what’s the magic answer? It’s somewhere within yourself. You may not be able to control the attitudes that give birth to replies like these, but you can control your own attitude. You, in fact, are the only one who can.

     And by controlling your own response to the excuses you hear, you are cultivating an opportunity for yourself to set a true leadership example. By setting an example, you:  

A) Keep your emotions out of the fray and

B) May actually influence the offender to re-visit her or his initial behavior or verbal representation of it, and reconsider a better, more productive, higher integrity avenue.

     Perhaps you’re not Henry Ford or Bill Gates or Mary Kay, and the idea of changing the world is not on your breakfast plate, but — as a small business owner or manager or entrepreneur — you are in an extraordinarily unique position to make a difference for yourself, for your family, and for those you work with, simply by choosing to respond instead of react.

Besides, if you never react, you can never over-react!

     People offer excuses to cover their own feelings of inadequacy. Most of the time, you can probably count on excuses being not so much intentionally dishonorable as a shortcoming of the person who’s offering them up in the self-esteem category. Some people who feel they can’t get positive recognition will opt instead for negative recognition because it’s at least some recognition.

     Humans crave recognition. And some recognition always beats indifference.

The opposite of love is not hate; it’s indifference!

     When you hear excuses, appreciate the insecurities behind them. When it’s possible to overlook them, do it and then make a point of offering (genuine) appreciation for instances of getting a job done without a presentation of reasons why it didn’t get done.

     Offer more encouragement than you might usually provide. Be kinder than you might usually be (because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle). Appreciate differences in perso0nalities and behaviors and help others to grasp the choosing behavior idea through your examples.

     Excuses are a way of life, but they are not always intentional or dishonorable. When you give the benefit of doubt to others, you may get bit in the butt a few times, but you’ll be serving the important purpose of minimizing anxieties and demonstrating productive leadership traits most of the time.

     The captain who keeps an even keel and balanced ship through stormy seas marks every journey with success.

 www.TWWsells.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You. God Bless America and America’s Troops. “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]  Make today a GREAT Day!

 Don’t “Work”

     Whatever kind of work makes you feel happy is the kind of work you need to be constantly moving toward and doing more of.  Because when you do what makes you happy, you’ll perform with greater confidence and competence. You’ll also never tire of it, and guess what? You not likely to ever think of it as “work.”

On top of all that, doing work that makes you happy has long been proven to lower your blood pressure, reduce stress, and lead to a happier, healthier existence . . . mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually. What’s not to like about that?

     Okay, so how to get started?  First, don’t pile all kinds of excuses in your face. You think because you own or manage a business, that you’re hooked into a slot you need to stay in to keep things moving? Nonsense. You’re no different than anyone else if you’re doing daily tasks that make you miserable. You need a target. Maybe, if you’re the boss, your target is moving. So what? You’re a mover to start with or you wouldn’t be the boss!.

     So take a deep breath http://bit.ly/bo3ZJy and begin by clearly defining as exactly and specifically as possible what kinds of work make you feel most upbeat and positive and rewarded. Write this little bullet list down on paper. Try to avoid generalizations and generalities. You might want to carry your list with you for a day or so and edit it as new ideas come and go.

     You can’t tell where you’re going if you don’t know where you’ve been. So next, take a little inventory of where you are and how you got to where you are. This doesn’t need to be a memoir or autobiography. A couple of concise sentences should do the job. Be sure to include a one-liner that describes what kind of work you’re currently doing. If you’re the boss, itemize the parts of the job you hate.

Now you need to step back and become Judge Judy.

     Look critically and suspiciously at where you are, where you’ve been, where you want to go, and –BANG!– what’re the roadblocks you’re choosing to hold yourself back. Don’t give yourself excuses for why you haven’t done something sooner or why you think you can’t . . . deal with the roadblocks. What are they? How many? Priority rank?

     Hey, you’re doing great! You read this far so it proves you care enough about you to get the genuine you on track with where you need to be, doing what you most enjoy, instead of continuing to choose self-destruct no-outlet paths for yourself. Pat yourself on the back. Now take a good long hard look at how far you are from where you want to be and then decide the most workable route. Plan for detours.

     Pulling up stakes and moving to a hammock in the Costa Rican jungles may not be the best answer. But the bottom line is that you are the only one on Earth who knows what the answer is. and the only one who can decide how and when to proceed.

You control you.

     Short of perhaps physical threat, no one else can reach into your mind and force you to behave in certain ways. And no one under any circumstances can control the way you think, besides you. So what are you waiting for? If you’re not happy with your job or tasks you’re doing, start choosing to do something about it. If you’re happy at work, it’s not “work.”

www.TWWsells.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You. God Bless America and our troops. “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]  Make today a GREAT Day!

me right this minute is…?

     A scene from my new novel manuscript traces its roots to my professor years when I would challenge students 5-10 times per class to complete the blank ending to the statement: “What I am learning about myself right now is . . . ?”

     The repeated question and the answers, no matter what they are, or who offers them, achieve two primary objectives for human growth and development:

1) The question itself literally forces increased awareness of the present (here and now) moment, which is of course the only true reality, and

2) The answers force increased awareness of the self.

     “Why would I want to know more about me?” is a question often offered in response to the question. And the answer to that one is that the more each of us knows about ourselves and what it is that makes each of us “tick,” so to speak, the better equipped we are to more easily relate to and communicate with and understand others.

     In business, increased self-awareness translates to exceptional sales and exceptional customer service. In management, it is the cornerstone of true leadership. In life, it is the key to human authenticity.

     So, let’s backtrack here a minute . . . increased awareness of the present moment. Is there any other? Are not the past and future moments we tend to dwell on and worry about simply reservoirs of fantasy? They’re not here now.

If the moments are past, nothing can be done to change them. Though memories can be educational and also soothing, when we reach the point of dwelling on them, we are pushing the emotionally unhealthy envelope of make-believe, and losing sight of what’s right in front of us.

If the moments haven’t come yet, they may never. Expectations can be fun, but they also breed disappointment. Planning is an important function for all humans, yet when we reach the point of worrying about what hasn’t yet come. we are pushing that emotionally unhealthy envelope of make-believe – also losing sight of what’s right in front of us.

     So there you have a gourmet serving of reasons to want to be learning as much about your self as you possibly can. When? As many waking moments of your day-to-day existence as you can muster. The financial, emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual ROI (Return On Investment, for our non-business-minded visitors) can be astronomical.

     You needn’t look far for great achievers in every walk of life who have strongly endorsed or who presently do underscore this thinking. Will you? What does it take for you to make the choice to open this focus? What are you learning about yourself right this minute?     

www.TWWsells.com or 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You. God Bless America and our troops. “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]  Make today a GREAT Day!

“Do!” vs. “Say!” and

“How?” vs. “Why?”

     I’ll never forget the lesson I learned many years ago as a young college professor when I tried using a Gestalt Therapy “Empty Chair Role-Playing” technique with a disgruntled student in a business career development classroom.

     I used the wrong word. The angry student nearly injured at least two or three other students because I said “do” instead of “say.” 

     Facing an empty wooden chair I placed in front of him, I draped my jacket over the back and asked Tony, who was extremely annoyed with his boss, what he would do if his boss was in that jacket sitting in that chair facing him right now.

     Tony strode defiantly toward the empty chair, picked it up and flung it full force over the six rows of floor-divers and ducking heads, smashing it to smithereens against the back wall. Lucky for him (and for me) that no one was hurt.

     You’re the boss, right? Ask any employee WHY she or he was late to work or an appointment or meeting. What’s the response? Ask WHY some operational function broke down or WHY your best customer account had been gradually cutting back their orders while increasing competitive purchases. What are the responses you get?

     The word, “Why?” is a request for reasons. It is a set up for anyone to respond with excuses. Asking “Why?” will never solve a problem.

     The most current example of how this word mix-up fails, comes from a befuddled White House asking why the catastrophic oil drilling explosion and leak happened, instead of taking a genuine leadership position and asking “HOW?” . . . “HOW can we fix it?” would certainly have been a better approach and accomplished more. Corrective actions speak louder than analytical investigations. 

     Yes, of course there’s a bit more to this last example. It would seem to most businesspeople rather inconceivable that anything as potentially disastrous as an explosion and major fuel leak could be ignored for a month, and even then, still be preoccupied with where to place blame instead of how to solve the problem.

     So, yes, timing is a critical ingredient in word choice, but difficulties often start and end with the exact words selected and used. Before you might jump to conclusions about some issue in your workspace, you may want to respond prudently instead of react in ways that simply make the situation worse.

     Pause long enough before speaking to consider how the recipient(s) might perceive the words you choose, as well as the integrity of your timing.

     These examples and this discussion are not far-fetched by any means. Imagine such vast differences (as between “do” and “say” or “how?” and “why?”) in word choices you use – or overlook or let slide –  in your advertising, marketing, promotion, public relations, customer service, sales presentation.

     Was it your grandfather who said “think first and speak second”?

www.TWWsells.com or 302.933.0116 or Ha@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You and America and Our Troops. “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]  Make today a GREAT Day!

like a shlunk,

sometimes you don’t!

It’s what you DO with bad feelings that counts!

     It doesn’t matter who you are, how great your reputation, how elevated your life-position, or how religious or nutrition-conscious you behave. Nor does it matter how physically fit, mentally alert, or in love with the world you may be.

     You will have bad days in life (and groups of bad days) when you feel like a shlunk because you screwed-up a business or personal relationship or situation.

     The thing is that many times the wheels come off, or the bottom falls out, or the roof caves in. . . accidentally. And sometimes, uh, maybe accidentally-on-purpose.

     But getting straightened out and back on track, demands concerted effort, intended purpose, and proactive pursuit. Recovery is never accidental. It requires conscious awareness that behavior is a choice.

     It also requires a plan. The most effective plans are those wrapped around the military OST management model:

Objective / Strategy / Tactics

     Your “Objective” is your goal. For a goal to be effective it needs to adhere to ALL of the following criteria: 

Specific

Flexible

Realistic

Due Date

     This applies to both business and personal goal-setting. Without all four, it’s merely a wish (and, with apologies to Tinkerbell and The Wizard of Oz, wishing does NOT make it so!)

     Your “Strategy” is your thinking avenue or approach to reaching or achieving your Objective or goal. It is the thought process part of your plan.

     Your “Tactics” are the implementations or executions of your Strategies. They are the actual “do it” steps you take to initiate and maintain your plan. This is the point of bringing about action.

     If you’ve done this right, you’ll remember the goal criteria list includes “flexibility” which translates to being ready and able to choose to change directions or move objectives as situations and people require.

     Most people fail at goal-setting and pursuit because they think goals are in concrete and that failure to reach them is too demeaning and discouraging. But keeping goals flexible means adjustring them and/or the circumstances to achieve them.

     The easy part is making it all work. The hard part is getting started. Getting started is a choice!

www.TWWsells.com or call 302.933.0116 or Hal@BusinessWorks.US  

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You! God Bless America, and God Bless Our Troops “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]  Make today a GREAT Day!

     I never figured out why my father always shouted this statement, but I guess it was because he was always in a dither when it occurred to him. Most of us don’t think much about prioritizing until we’re feeling overwhelmed with no place to turn. It’s kind of a “force your hand” type of response. OMG, I’ve got 3 hours to do 27 hours worth of tasks and then the world ends. Right. I’d better prioritize. 

     Here’s the deal: Let’s work backwards at this. One of the life-goals most of us share (beyond not having any IRS surprises!) is to avoid last-minute panic situations and 11th hour rush jobs, right? And it doesn’t matter what business you’re in; that’s an unspoken priority for most of us who are not earning a living by participating in extreme sports. So, okay, the target here is to be –and stay– organized. 

     Establishing priorities means, first and foremost, that you have a busy agenda, or that maybe you’re too busy to even have had time to put together an agenda (which makes me suspect of why you’re even stopping to read this, but nice to see you all the same). Either way, implications are that what you really need to address as Step One is to do a Quick Risk Assessment.

     Nothing magical here. Simply list all the burdensome tasks on one piece of paper (or txtmsg2Urself) and then run through each item with a 1,2, or 3 ranking. It’s a 1 if you just stepped in something brown and gooshy on your way into a building for a big meeting. It’s a 2 if your shoelace broke. It’s a 3 if you just realized your socks don’t match. Determine the relative risks.

     What on your list absolutely positively cannot wait until tomorrow (or the end of the day, or next week, etc.)? Each of those items gets a 1 assigned to it. Let the rest fall by the wayside for the moment and focus 100% of your time and attention and energy on getting your number 1 issues resolved before even looking at the rest of the list to decide if the remainders are 2s or 3s (many will migrate up to a 1 ranking by the time you finish the immediate 1s).

     When a couple of someone else’s have both “assigned” tasks that are battling for THE number 1 position, go back to those someone else’s(bosses or customers or lawyers or spouses or whomever) and ask them to talk with each other to sort out what exactly you need to put next on your runway for takeoff because there’s only one of you to go around! Hand the responsibility for deciding back to the sources!

     Restaurants may be in the food-service business, but cleanliness has to always be Priority One or there may not BE a food-servicebusiness if food poisoning prevails. Maybe you’ve been focused on a date for printing materials for a client when the reason for the materials is more important . . . having finished documents ready to travel with for an out-of-county trade show, needs to dictate the prioritizing for print preparation schedules.

     The undercurrent throughout the prioritizing process is that you need to have a grip on time management (and never get into the position of not having enough time to do time management!) and — aha! —  Our old friend: stress management take some deep breaths!

Comment below or Hal@BusinessWorks.US 

Thanks for visiting. Go for your goals! God Bless You! God Bless America, and God Bless our troops “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!” [Thomas Jefferson]  Make today a GREAT Day!